Aug 10, 2012

Up To No Good: Abandoned House Edition

It's that time again!  Time to watch my fat ass disappear through a window into another abandoned house.  This one, I will call the FORTRESS.

My sister and I have tried and tried, to no avail (three times now!) to get into this house.  I am starting to think it's a sign for us to STAY OUT.  What do you guys think?



I already have a look of disgust on my face.  Because I knew this was going to be a lot of 'falling' into doors so they 'magically' open, or something of the sort.  Plus, it was a hundred degrees out.



This house is locked up so super tight, you would think that someone maintains the locks.  The house is falling down AROUND the locks, so what the eff? How hard is it to gently and respectfully break down a door?


This note beside the door is from someone who stole wanted to buy some piece of the boat that is hanging out on the lawn.  They took the bits and wrote their phone number in the letter, telling whomever owns the house to call them and they will pay them. Not really sure a transaction works that way, but alright.  The house is clearly empty and decrepit and they knew that no one would be coming back so isn't it conveeeeenient that they offered to pay?


See? I wasn't even lying about the temperature. It was hotter than hell outside, and I hadn't even scaled a wall yet!  


I think your tree is dying.


Trying to break the lock mechanism.  No dice. This house means business!


So no one lives here, it looks like it has been empty for a very long time, and people are stealing things off the property.  Who just up and leaves a house like that? I don't get it.  And who is cutting the grass? Probably the house across the street because they don't want to look like they live across the street from the Honey Boo Boo family.



This is me, doing 'pensive'.





The first time my sister and I tried to get into this house, we walked around the perimeter to try and find a way in and stumbled onto this well.  And two more just like it very close to the house.  It was dusk when we tried our first attempt.  This is why I would never do this shit in the dark, you just never know. The other holes didn't have this 'protective' covering over them.  I am very '       ' today, I know.





Oh hey there.


Tried to get in this way, no.  Weighed a thousand pounds and there were a lot of bugs flying around and most likely dead bodies under it.  Sooooo moving on!


Ahhh....now that's more like it!


So in our tradition of always having me go first (can you guess who came up with that one?) Krista very politely cleaned all the broken glass and debris from the windowsill so that I could climb in there and let her in through a nice, safe door. An easy door. A non sweat inducing door.


Oh yeah.  This is the most beautiful picture of me ever taken, I really like this one.


I had to get hoisted up by Krista.  No sooner had I placed my foot in her hand when she was like, "ONE!" and up I went. She didn't even give me time to think about it.  That girl is strong let me tell you.  She launched me almost the whole way through the window. I hung there like that for a while, not able to get one leg over to straddle the damn wall.  In the end I decided to wheelbarrow myself in.  Worked like a charm and wasn't awkward at all! Even took the time for a glamor shot, with old bird shit and dead things all over my hands. This is how much I love life.


Really scary hole in the floor that leads to clowns and other monsters I am sure.



Stairs leading up to, where? No where.  Just an old dusty attic.


An attic that has squiggles and weird shapes and lots of clay pots and things. Seriously what is with that squiggle on the left?



OHMYGOD it was hot in there.


So even though I we did all of that, we still couldn't get into the house.  We climbed into an old garage/ shed attached to the house.  The door that led inside was also locked up tighter than Fort Knox. So annoying.



Poor little dead mouse.





Happy to be back outside where it was a bit cooler.


We will get in you house, oh yes we will.


On to the next!


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