Knock, knock Who's there? Canadian burglar
— The Pawfessor (@ThePawfessor) August 26, 2013
New Olympic Sports 1. Tackle Bear 2. Most Eat Snow 3. Get Out Of Russia 4. Hotel Building 5. Shiver 6. Run From Stray Dog 7. Uncle Bort
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) February 7, 2014
I miss those days where you could just show people how cool you were by adding another gold necklace.
— GH (@shakes1554) November 5, 2013
BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.
— Tony (@Tmoney68) February 5, 2014
Gay marriage might not ever be legal in Texas but give their men's fashion industry some credit because they've clearly been preparing.
— Brian (@Black__Elvis) February 6, 2014
the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) November 29, 2012
Last Christmas my cousin Blake went behind the couch and acted like he was walking down steps but never came back up. Miss you Blake.
— zachary flynn (@zacharyflynn) February 9, 2014
I want to have the kind of hope my dog has when the kids walk around eating chips.
— all drolled up (@alldrolledup) June 9, 2013
If you eat Pop Rocks while listening to Kid Rock you will probably explode into a shitty rock-rapper.
— Camden's finest (@anbrll00) February 10, 2014
Balloons aren't so fun when you think of them as bad breath storage units.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) January 27, 2014