by - July 28, 2009

So my boyfriend hates all manner of exaggeration. When we first got together almost 5 years ago (an exaggeration, it was ACTUALLY 4 years and 5 months ago) , I told him about all the things that happened to me during my day out and about in the real world, just like any other couple would. And just with all my other friends, I would indulge in exaggerating certain aspects of my story, in order to tell a better story and to get a laugh out of the person listening. The only parts that I would really exaggerate would be that this person 'screamed' at me when really, they just kind of raised their voice. Or, I peed my pants I was laughing so hard.

For example:

When I was a young little 17 year old thing, I decided against my better judgement to go sunbathing in my parents backyard. Now, this is interesting enough in itself as I was emo and pretty much cried when the sun touched me. So, at the risk of burning my vampiric skin off, I went ahead and started the preparations to go into the actual outside world to expose my skin to type 3000 gamma rays. I first brought out the lawn chair, which was a struggle as my weak, limp limbs were no match for the un-yielding lawn chair. Once I set it up, cursing the entire time, I went ahead and got my little ghetto blaster and favorite CDs to listen to while I enjoyed (?) the sun. Then I made myself a cold drink so that I wouldn't burn all the way through. The biggest part of my internal struggle with sunshine and lollipops was taking off some clothing (gasp!) to sit out and soak up the rays. ME???? Take off CLOTHING???? But that would show my...gulp...skin!!!! After I said a few satanic prayers so that my lord of darkness would not forsake me, I stepped outside into the light. I marched to the chair and sat down as if I had some serious business to take care of. I sat back and got ready to enjoy feeling the warmth of the day, and then A BIRD SHIT IN MY MOUTH.

So: when I told my boyfriend this story his first response was, "Did it ACTUALLY shit IN your mouth??" and I said, "Well no, it shit on my teeth and lips, which are MOSTLY inside my mouth". This spawned a heated friendly debate about how he doesn't like being lied to, and when you say it shit in your mouth it means ACTUALLY in your mouth which would consist of
anywhere in the radius of your tongue to your back teeth. Ummm????

So after agreeing that it was good story, essentially his point still stands. Just tell the story how it should be told. No exaggerations or making up of things that didn't happen. I say to YOU boyfriend...just stop SCREAMING and flailing your arms wildly and enjoy the story.

P.S.- the bird really did shit in my mouth.

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