5 Things To Do To Ensure Your Lonliness

by - September 07, 2009

This list consists of things that I did throughout my life that I am not proud of. Some were accidents and some were done on purpose because I am an evil wench. Proceed. 

1. DO make sure that when you slam the door on your best friends' finger you do it hard enough to break it to the bone. And then look at the bone sticking out of her skin and act like you are horrified because she is a monster. 

2. DO make sure that while you are perfecting your cartwheels on the school yard that you time your flying legs just perfectly in alignment with the universe so that the guy running by you sucking on his delicious sucker ends up with it down his throat. 

3. DO get jealous when another girl in your kindergarten class shows up one day with a rose for your teacher. Allow your jealousy to enrage you and walk up to her, pluck the rose out of her hands, throw it on the ground and then stomp on it until it is dead. Just like your heart. 

4. DO go and kick your little brother in the balls to test why your mother told you never to do such a thing. And then just stand there staring at him when he cries. 

5. DO try to fix your rocky relationship with one of your best friends by appeasing her request to write something in her yearbook. Then write: "See you never. Have a nice life".

Cool Katherine, you are an awesome person.

You May Also Like