A Lesson in Clarity

by - November 30, 2009

How strange.  A letter from my 80-year-old self, to my current self: 

Dear Me,
               Hello there younger self!  I am writing to you today because through spacetime continuum, I have noticed some things about you that I don't particularly care for.

First, you need to learn how to relax dear.  That butt clenching 'pickle-up-the-ass' analogy?  Not a fetching one, but one that suits you immensely.  Also, where's the fire sweetheart?  You'd think that at the pace you walk everywhere that the world was coming to an end soon! Ha! It's not dear, so just relax.  We don't want fine lines and wrinkles when we are 40 do we?  So just take a deep breath and chill.

Another thing though?  You need to quit your job ASAP.  When something sucks the life out of you daily, the way that your job does?  Not conducive to that smooth face we talked about.  But honestly, what are you so afraid of?  Following your real dreams?  It would be a damn shame to waste your life on 'should haves'.  You have never been concerned with doing things the 'normal' way, so why are you now?  Throw caution to the wind, be scared.  It will inspire you to work towards your goals that much harder.  Do you think I bought the villa in Paris by being mediocre?

You need to slow down.  Nobody gets to where they want to be quickly.  Only when they arrive are they swept through the door and lost in the whirlwind of their dreams.  So take your time.  You are only 29, and have plenty of your life left to get to where you want to be.  If you don't slow down you are going to miss the good stuff that is happening now, and you will only be able to focus on the negative.  Because that's all you will know.

Take risks.  It's what life is all about.  Now if you'll excuse me, jumping out of a plane sounds like a lovely way to spend the afternoon, no?

Love always,

Oh wow.  Also strange.  A letter from my 8-year-old self: 

Dear Me,
          Wow.  You are 29.  That's really old.  I bet your butt is crazy droopy and your boobs touch your knees right?  I mean, you are only a couple of years younger than our mom.  Ew.

These days I like to play with Ninja Turtles and ride bikes.  Do you like to do that still?  The only thing I really thought hard about today was if I was going to get in trouble for skinning my knees when my friend and I rode doubles and fell over.  It was really fun.  And the scab is cool too.  Do you have any scabs?

Grown up talk really bores me.  I mean, gag me with a spoon.  I never want to grow up if it means my life is going to turn into a boring dumb thing where all I talk about is boring stuff and money.  Relax, I got it covered already! Yesterday I went to the candy store and bought a gajillion tear jerkers for only two dollars!  Tomorrow I am going to school to sell them for ten cents each and that's like...who really cares anyway? As long as I can buy more tear jerkers and play Double Dragon at the arcade on Saturday.

Well, I am going to go and sit in a tree and read until I get hungry.

See ya,

Man.  Clearly my 80-year-old self and my 8-year-old self have their heads screwed on right.  At least they have their priorities straight.  Skydiving and Double Dragon, sounds good to me.

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