All I Want For Wednesday Is...

by - February 17, 2010

A re-start.  I wish that there was a way for everyone to go back and re-program themselves.  Back to the formation of our minds and our personalities, and learn to take better care of ourselves.  People have become (myself included) so distant from our OWN health, body and mind's, and it's scary.  We have been taught that things should be easy, and if they are not, that our time is being wasted.  Fast food, fast diets, fast lifestyles.

A vicious cycle of not enough sleep, not enough water, working too many hours and not eating properly do not make for a healthy body and mind.  Being stressed out daily from a thankless job is not the way to be happy and peaceful.  

And why do we do it?  I am starting to realize that things don't matter.  I live in an expensive apartment, I can afford nice dinners, expensive cups of coffee, and I buy too much food.  But it is not worth it to me.  I remember when I moved to this city with not a penny in my pocket, worked at a Second Cup and made  seven dollars an hour, yet I was HAPPY.  I had fun.  I loved life.  My job did not suck out my soul and make me tired endlessly.  These things that I thought I wanted, that I thought would make me happy, are not.  I want my simple life back.  

We are all artists.  We are not meant to spend our days in front of a screen, slogging away just to make ends meet in our too expensive houses and our too expensive cars, when our bosses are sunning themselves every second week in a tropical paradise.  Because of our hard work.  I am not bitter, I understand that this is the way the world works.  I just do not want to be a part of it anymore.  I want to know that what I am doing matters.  Even if it is only to me.  I want to have time to take care of myself, and to become more acquainted with my body and my mind.  Because I am detached.  I am one of those people who convinces themselves that I do my job because I have to, that is what is expected of us if we want to seem successful.  But I DON'T have to.  What I need to to do is scale things back, remember what is important to me, remember what I need.  It's not much, believe me.  We all don't NEED much, we all WANT too much.

I vow to take back my life.  I vow to take more of an interest in my health, in what I am eating.  I vow to be selfish about what is good for me, and not what society thinks a contributing member SHOULD do.  I hate working full-time.  Why do I have to?  I wouldn't if I scaled things back.  I vow to do just that, and live my life the way I want to: as an adventure.  Before we all know it we will be reading the ending of our own life stories, and I want mine to be written by me, not by anyone else.  I refuse to edit to the way others want it to be.

I hope that if you are unhappy, you make a change.  Even if at this time in your life you cannot do such a thing as making drastic changes, even little changes count.  As long as they are good for you, they count immensely.  

I know that right now, it's that change that I am fighting for.

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