The People You Meet While Out on the Street

by - January 06, 2011

I was walking home from work tonight in a raging snowstorm, listening to music on my iPod and trying not to fall on my ass.  An older man who was coming out of a store almost knocked me over. My music was loud so I assumed that his gestures were a sweeping apology, and that his moving lips were saying, "I am very sorry for almost knocking you down m'lady".  When he held out his arm to me, as if to escort me the rest of the way home, my crazy meter went into the red zone and I lowered my head and began walking faster.

What is with me and attracting creep-o's every time I leave my house?  Seriously, the stories would astound you.  A week ago I was standing outside in the freezing cold waiting for the bus.  It was VERY early and I was trying my hardest to disappear into my jacket to keep warm, a thick scarf practically hiding my entire face from the world.  I happened to glance up at the cars waiting for the light to change from red to green and I noticed this old dude staring me down in the pervy-est way.  He sort of cocked his head to the side and then gestured for me to get into the car, trying to seem all innocent-like, as if he was only going to give me a friendly ride to wherever I wanted to go.  RIGHT BUDDY.  You and your bloody axe in the trunk.  Seriously though, WTF?  It was early, I was amongst a crowd of people waiting for a bus.  Not every woman standing around at a corner is a prostitute asshole!

Anyway, back to old guy number one holding his arm out to me. He keeps pace with me as I attempt to walk away from him.  I am obviously not listening to his crazy as he continues to speak and grin at me like he is telling me the coolest thing in the world. Finally I pull a headphone out of my ear and bark, "WHAT?", and he starts gabbing away to me about how much he loves snow and the correct way to shovel it and New Brunswick.  I am all nodding, sort of, trying not to appear too much like a bitchy Torontonian when all the while my brain is working like a computer, scanning the situation and putting out sensors to distinguish whether this guy is going to pull me down a dark alley and chop me up into tiny pieces kind of crazy, or if he just has no conversation filter and speaks to everyone on the street kind of crazy.  After some heavy weighing of these options, I finally come to the conclusion that the guy is harmless and doesn't realize that you shouldn't talk to a chick walking home by herself at night because she is automatically going to think you are a rapist.  Luckily the guy was all "don't let me bother you", so that was my out to let him know I needed to make a phone call.  I said thanks for the chat and pretended to call someone while he walked away.  Awesome.

P.S- In the world according to harmless weird guy, getting up at 3AM is prime time to shovel your snow.  So if you see this loner out there at that godforsaken hour, tell him Kato says hey.

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