The Things That Shape Us

by - March 01, 2018

Ah at the moment. It's making us all so exhausted we can't even see the awesome things right under our noses. Good old February, right? 

We are currently expecting a big snowstorm tonight and although I DO love my storms, it was kind of nice that the snow had all melted and it was a bit warmer. Every year this happens, and every year we all hold our breath and ask 'could this be the last of it?'. And every year, Mother Nature goes HAHAHAHAHA. Whatever man. Soon enough we will all be complaining about how stupidly hot it is, and my hair won't look this good for months because of the humidity. 

Say hello to more of this my friends! This was all gone. In fact, I was seeing the tiniest bit of green. So tomorrow, back to white. At least that is what they are saying.

I made a sort of resolution to myself to stop caring so much about shit that doesn't matter. Especially about people that don't matter. What I mean by that is, in my job I deal with a lot of people that are not the nicest people to deal with. I mean, we all do. I just happen to a) deal with a lot of them, or b) blow things out of proportion and take things to heart when I don't need to. I think it's a bit of both. So, I can't change the people I deal with, but I can try and change ME. Hence, my reading material. Which, by the way, was excellent. Also, I love my mouse pad.

I don't love this though. Our sweet orange girl, my Pandorah cat, was diagnosed with cancer a couple of days after Christmas. We knew something was really wrong, and I knew in my gut she wasn't coming back from it. But my god the emotions you go through when you lose a pet. I don't care what anyone says, it is brutal. I get that she is 'just a cat' (in my world, that is not a thing, sorry. My cats are a part of who I am), but when you have had this furry little thing in your life for almost 16 years, and you can think back to all the things they were there for: 5 moves, a heartbreak, finding 'true' love, deaths, births, graduating university, job loss, 2 parents' cancer diagnoses, a parent's quadruple bypass....the list goes on. She never understood what was going on per se, but she was my comfort through it all.

Plus, she was a sassy little asshole. And I loved that about her the most. She was a talker, and she could talk you under the table. Man I miss her.

So, like mostly everyone does when you know that something awful needs to happen, you cradle your heart and do the things that make you feel cozy and safe. Like watching stuff, and taking drives to Chapters on sunny (but cold!) days, and buying Lush products to *try* and have a nice bath. I discovered that our tub is just not meant for bathing in....which was a bummer.

It looked real pretty though. And was SO nice to sit in, even if it was as deep as I could make it and it still only covered half of my body. D'oh. I'm not the best at measuring with my eyes. To me it looked deep enough.

So, we did what we had to do. She was at the point where she couldn't walk anymore, so it was time. We chose an at-home euthanasia and I would choose that again in a heartbeat, even if it was more expensive. I just didn't have the balls to bring her there. I couldn't do it. It never would have happened if they didn't come to us. 

She died peacefully on our bed. We were there and got to pet her through it. I didn't turn away from her for a second, even if it was awful for me to watch. I just wanted to give her the same love and comfort she gave us throughout her life. 

And now I exploit her for photo ops. Haha! I'm just kidding. This was another really sad part of the process. The getting her ashes back part, it makes it really final. You really don't expect it to just keep hitting you the way it does...but it does. Also, pet cremation...VERY profitable business on account of prices being exorbitant. A good thing to prepare in advance for.

And life goes on, and slowly but surely, things go back to normal. Just a new normal. Back to constantly smothering the other two cats we have. One of them hates it and the other one demands it. This is the one that hates it....Dave is breaking her rule of 'no holding'.

Super random pic, but I attempted to make keto pasta. It's made out of mozzarella and egg yolk. That's it. And it seemed SO promising. While it was drying it looked and felt like fresh pasta noodles. And then I boiled it and it turned into a ball of watery melted cheese. Which makes sense right? Apparently I made it too thin. I say, thanks Pinterest for raising my hopes. 

I've noticed a theme in my life. And it's all rose gold. Just wanted to share that. 2018 will be my rose gold year, whatever that means.

I hope your all enjoying these last grey days, and looking forward to some flowers and hiking and enjoying the outside world. We have all hibernated for long enough.  

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