Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
— Kurt Hanson (@NativeSenses) February 17, 2014
*makes seamless transition from Sunday afternoon depression to Sunday night depression *
— Car Guy Gordon (@DrinkingDad) February 17, 2014
Everyone's a feminist until the ship hits an iceberg.
— Travis LeBlanc (@TravLeBlanc) December 10, 2011
I don't think anyone is keeping calm you guys
— JA (@thatguyJA) February 9, 2014
old people love to lick their fingers before they touch anything made of paper.
— ✨ᴇᴍᴍᴀ✨ (@dilemma617) January 29, 2014
What do you mean Girl Scout cookie prices are non negotiable, you little bitch?!
— KrisDUH (@kristaflentje) February 16, 2014
I replaced Old Man Winter's daily Centrum Silver vitamins with cyanide capsules, so expect Spring shortly.
— Gian D'oh (@GianDoh) February 15, 2014
I can't be the only one who thinks Betty Rubble was way outta Barney's league.
— AmishPornStar (@AmishPornStar1) February 17, 2014
I Pussy Riot-ed my Twitter today. pic.twitter.com/gOh6j58puo
— Steve Coleman (@iamstevecoleman) February 21, 2014
I'm so glad Simon Cowell had a kid. Baby fashion has been crying for a quality line of Deep V Tees for toddlers.
— Amy Vansant (@KidFreeLiving) February 26, 2014
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday night! The rest of my night will be spent studying and sleeeeeeeping zzzzzzzzzzz.......old man Winter reared his ugly head again and it's freezing! I just want to be under the covers, burrowed and cozy and warm.
What are you up to tonight?